My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
