The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
