Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
