I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
