i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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