I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize