just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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