I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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