he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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