Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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