Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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