we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
