never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize