it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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