If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
