I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
