I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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