I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
