So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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