I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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