everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
