How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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