cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
