just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
is that a dick in a sweater?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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