You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
