she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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