They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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