Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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