You really coming over, don't trick.
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
