ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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