I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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