Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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