I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
