If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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