i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
