is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
