and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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