no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
