I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
