I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
