i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
