Who did Billy Mays play for?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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