Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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