I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
