No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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