Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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