She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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