He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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