You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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