definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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