remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
