Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
