he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
