Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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