i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
