3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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