How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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