There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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