this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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