you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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