I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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