I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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