his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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