I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
