You're so nebulous sometimes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
