some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
